The Relationship Between Dane and Me

It was brought to my attention in class this morning that Dane Cook and I haeve a parasocial relationship. I am in a parasocial relationship with Dane Cook. I like the way that sounds. It makes me want to go on Facebook and change my relationship status from "single" to "parasocial" and then link my site to Dane's.
Oh how Dane Cook loves me.

Anyhoo, I was looking at my parasocaial scale and I decided to a little outline of it.

1) The media text shows you what Dane Cook is like.
Five
I strongly agree. From what I have heard from my Dane Cook media texts, I have become fully aware that Dane is an observant man who is very funny, energetic and lives a life much like you and I do. He puts a lot of personality into his work.

2) When Dane Cook jokes around with someone else, it makes the media text easier to watch.
Five.
I have chosen to interpret the word "easier" as "better." And "someone else" is "someone else-ish." I'd say that is fairly subjective. For the most part, Daney Boy stands alone up on his stage. But while he's telling his stories he includes a lot of other people and he imitates them so it seems as if Dane isn't the only one on stage. So his act is much better when he's joking with "someone else." Also, I'm quite sure that I am included under "someone else" and I am positive that when Dane Cook jokes, he jokes with me.

3) When Dane Cook shows me how he feels about an issue, it helps me make up my own mind about the news story.
One
Dane and I don't usually discuss these types of things.

4) I feel sorry for Dane if he makes a mistake.
One
If Dane Cook makes a mistake I laugh.

5) When I am watching/ listening to Dane Cook I feel as f I am part of the group.
Five
Absolutely. I am a member of the gigantic, laughing audience . And quite often, my beloved looks directly at me.

6) I like to compare my ideas with what Dane says.
Five
I do this more with Dane than with anyone else. Mostly because everything he says relates to my life. In fact, my friend and I came up with our own formula for how to tell a Dane Cook story.
-Find an average story and break it apart in to pieces.
-Point out the obvious in an exaggerated way.
-Coin your own terms and phrases for describing every day thoughts, ideas and occurrences.
-Use the Dane Voice Intonation
-Repeat yourself with emphasis
And voila, there ya go. You've got yourself a story exactly the way my Dane would tell it.

7) Dane makes me feel comfortable as if I am with friends.
Five
Dane Cook and are good friends indeed.

8) I see Dane as a natural, down-to-Earth person.
Five
He completely is. Dane Cook is just like you and me. He stands in long lines at Walgreens and buys things he didn't intend to get at first, he cries when he's upset, he likes to eat twistie cones. Dane Cooks life very average, he's just really good at being funny/

9) I like hearing Dane Cook's voice at home.
Five
I like hearing his voice anywhere. At any moment I'm ready to hop on that great Dane Train.

10) Dane keeps me company when I watch/ listen to the him.
Five
It's true. When Dane is playing in the car, Dane is riding in the car.

11) I look forward to watching Sir. Dane-a-lot on television.
Five
Why yes, as a matter of fact I do. In fact, I make plans to watch his DVDs with my friends. We go over each other's houses and enjoy him together. Dane can party with us any time.

12) If Dane appeared in another text, I would watch or read that text.
Another Five
Oh, most certainly. I remember when I first heard that Dane Cook would be in a movie. I was like, "What, a movie??? I have to see that." I haven't seen it yet, and I heard it wasn't that great but I still have every intention of experiencing a Dane Cook movie. Why? Because I love him. And if I ever come across a magazine or newspaper article I'll read it.

13) When my Dane performs, he seems to understand the kins of things I want to know.
Four
I suppose. After all, I want to know what Dane's going to say next. He understands that.

14) I sometimes make remarks to my Dane Cook on television.
Five
If by sometimes you mean often, then yes. Dane and I practically engage in full conversation at times.

15) If there was a story about Dane in the newspaper or a magzine, I would read it.
Five
Please refer to number twelve.

16) I miss seeing Dane when he has been absent from my life for a while.
Five
In fact, I am going through a small Dane Cook withdrawal right now. I need to go watch Tourgasm.

17) I would like to meet Dane Cook in person.
FIVE
I would be over come with joy to meet dear Dane.

18) I think Dane Cook is like an old friend.
Three
Not so much an old friend as a very good friend.

19) I find Dane Cook to be attractive.
Father, I cannot tell a lie. Dane Cook is an attractive man.

20) I am not as satisfied when I read or listen to similar media texts from other comedians.
Three
It depends on who it is. I do compare other comedians to Dane a lot, and since he is one of my favourites I am often less satisfied. But there are other comedians that I like just as much as or more than Dane (sorry Love). So it's just a matter of who those other comedians are.

That puts me at an 84. It was 71 when I first took it, but after upon further investigation and a bit of revaluation I decided that the relationship that Dane and I have is, in fact, even stronger than I ever realized.
so there we have it kids. I am in a parasocial relationship with Dane Cook. Facebook, here I come.

~Nadia